Losing Dean Winchester
by WincestielIsCanon
Summary: Dean's dead, and Sam can't handle it. He'd do anything to get him back. Castiel feels Dean's pain, but is to late to stop it. Will Sam get Dean back, or die trying?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N So...um...this is my first fanfiction so, be nice? No flames please. Enjoy and please review :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the boys, though I do play with them a lot.**

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In Castiel's opinion, there's nothing worse than losing Dean Winchester. He could be damned to Hell, never to feel his brother's presence again, and he would not complain as long as Dean Winchester lived. He rebelled against his brothers, against everything he's ever known, for Dean Winchester. Nothing is worse than losing him, not rotting in Hell, not being hunted by his brothers. Dean Winchester must be saved, even if it costs more than Castiel can handle.

This is why on that day, April 13th, 2012, Castiel broke. His Grace pulsing in pure, unbearable agony. He felt Dean's death as his own, felt the knife slice through the soft skin of Dean's chest and pierce his heart. He felt the last pulses of blood through Dean's body, heard his last thought as it passed his mind. _Take care of Sammy._ Dean's last thought, his dying wish, was for his brother's safety.

Before he registered his actions, before his commanders could see him, Castiel took flight. He soared pass the gates and broke through the In Between that separates Heaven and Earth. He reaches the site of Dean's death within moments. Sam is there, crouched over Dean's lifeless body.

Tears fall freely from his cheeks while he says in a broken sob, "Dean, we just saved the world, you can't die yet. Not yet."

He repeats this many times, over and over denying his brother's demise.

Castiel kneelt down, staring at Dean's unseeing face. The intense pain had faded from his Grace, leaving only a dull ache in its place. He ran a hand down Dean's face, whispering his apology, his promise to keep Sam safe.

"Castiel."

Sam's tired voice forces Castiel to look at him. His eyes haven't strayed from Dean's face, his arms still encircling Dean's body, but he spoke to Castiel.

"Yes, Sam." It wasn't much of a question; Castiel knew what plagued Sam's mind.

"Bring him back. Now." The determination in Sam's voice slightly scared Castiel.

"I cannot. I promised Dean I would keep you safe. You will be ok." Castiel voice conveyed emotion, sorrow and anger. It wasn't enough for Sam.

"I don't need to be taken care of. Bring him back or I will."

Castiel sighed, "I am sorry Sam. Truly I am. But I can't bring him back. You will find no demon to deal with, and no angel to answer your calls. This is the last of Dean you will see."

"Then what's the point of you?"

Castiel winced at Sam's biting tone, "I am sorry, Sam. I would have stopped this had I known it were to happen."

Sam looked up, about to insult Castiel, but instead shook his head, "There's no reason for you to be here. Leave, and don't come back."

Castiel nodded, "If that is what you wish, Sam Winchester." Sam stiffened at Castiel's formal tone and immediately regretted his words.

"Cas, I-" Castiel left before Sam could get his sentence out. He dropped his head, squeezing Dean closer in his arms.

"I'll find a way to get you back. I promise, even if it's the last thing I do."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N short chapters, yes I know. It'll be this way until the story picks up. Hope you enjoy anyway :)**

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He was in pain, he felt it burning in his chest, but he kept going. Castiel was right; no demon would deal with him. He even went this witch in New York, begging for her to bring Dean back, but she just laughed and walked away. Everything he tried failed, and he lost hope.

Sam pulled the knife out of his pocket smoothly, practiced, and held it in his hand. The weight of it comforted him, consistently the same, never changing. He smiled slightly, running his hand over the blade. He remembered how Dean had hated using this at first, just because it was given to them by a demon. He saved the world with this knife, killed Dean with this knife.

Sam frowned, the pleasant memories gone, pushed out of his mind by the pained gasp Dean made when the knife cut through his skin. He watched as the demon sliced through Dean, cutting and cutting and cutting some more and he couldn't take it. He screamed for her to stop, to end it, to let them go. She had smiled, said something Sam couldn't hear, and stabbed Dean through the heart. The shock Sam felt was more to the fact that Dean looked _relieved. _He looked like he wanted this, like it was the only way.

After that the demon left, untying Sam and going about her business. Sam kneelt before Dean, wrapping his arms around him and whispering to him. Then Castiel came, brushing his fingers across Dean's face and saying something he didn't hear. Sam was angry, wanting his brother back, so he lashed out at Cas, told him to bring him back or leave. Castiel had refused, and he left. He left and he didn't come back.

It'd been months since then and Sam was still in pain. He could still hear every sound Dean made, every little whimper. He could still see Dean writhing in pain, and he couldn't stop it. He still had nightmares, still woke up screaming for Dean and Castiel and John and Jessica he wanted them _back_. He wanted to feel safe again, didn't want to be alone any more. He wanted the life before the apocalypse, before any of this happened. He hated this feeling inside him, anger and hatred and grief and sorrow. He wanted his life back. And he was going to get it, even if it killed him.


End file.
